[ It's not the place to settle down and she knows that, yet she's also painfully aware of how much Bellamy's come to mean to her, how much the thought of either of them leaving — for the day after they've spent the night together or from the island completely — brings her genuine pain. Pain that conflicts with her need to get home and save her mom, but pain nonetheless.
There's a moment or two of silence as she weighs how she wants to respond to that, eventually broken up by the sound of her shifting and settling at the head of her bed, back pressed to the wall behind her. ]
I don't mind, Bellamy. [ Him calling her that, him staking a claim on her... Any of it. ] I just thought it was cute. [ It was far more than just cute considering how it made her feel, but even if she can't see him, it's pretty clear he's backpedaling. Which admittedly hurts a little, that he won't just own it, but she can deal. ]
[ Something in her voice makes him feel like he said the wrong thing, even though he thought he was doing right by her saying she didn't belong to him. He can feel the high from his climax fading quickly at the thought of disappointing her somehow.
'My girl' came from somewhere. A part of him must want it - to keep calling her that - but the rest of him feels like it would be a bad idea. It'd be the start of going down a path he can't see ending without them both getting hurt...
(As if it doesn't hurt already, knowing his days are probably numbered with this girl who brings out the happiest version of himself.) ]
I probably shouldn't call you that again, though. [ Shouldn't, not I don't want to. ] Even if we're both comfortable with it. [ He swallows awkwardly. Did he ruin the mood? It definitely feels like he did. ]
[ Clary notices that he specifies what he should do, not what he wants to do, and a part of her wants to call attention to it. But considering the sudden awkwardness between them is from her repeating his words, she's not sure she wants to push her luck. Besides, she shouldn't want Bellamy to call her that, not here, not when they could be sent home tomorrow.
(Yet now that she's heard it, now that she knows how good it sounds and feels to have him call her that, she finds it's incredibly difficult to side with the logical side of her brain.) ]
I thought you already settled on a nickname for me, anyway. [ 'Angel' definitely isn't even in the same wheelhouse as 'my girl,' she just feels like she needs to give them an out for this conversation. Maybe if she wasn't naked and they hadn't just had phone sex she'd be less willing to just drop it — she's never been one to shy away from a hard conversation — but she's not really up for it right now. ] One's plenty. Any more than that and I might get a big head.
[ She really does try to keep her tone light and playful but her heart's not really in it. ]
Anyway, I should probably let you go get cleaned up. [ Not get cleaned up herself; disappointed as she is, she still remembers his request and wants him to come over later.
But maybe Bellamy doesn't want to swing by anymore. Maybe things are too awkward now. So, after a pause: ] I'll see you tonight?
[ He might be a little nervous about her response in case she doesn't bounce back from it. Fortunately she does with a joke and he wishes he could see her right now to read her face.
At least she still wants him to come over. It gives him hope he hasn't screwed up as much as he thought. ]
If that's okay? [ He's giving her the option to change her mind, but despite the awkwardness, he still wants to see her. He's almost certain not seeing her until tomorrow would just create tension. The sooner he sees her, the easier it'll be to move on from it. ]
Before I go, in case I forget to say it later... that was my first time doing that. And you made it pretty damn memorable. [ He's not going to thank her because that would be weird, but he does sound appreciative. ] And I could say a lot more to make your face match your hair, but I'll save you the embarrassment.
Yeah, of course it's okay. [ Maybe it shouldn't be, maybe she should want space, but despite the part of her that's still smarting from his 180, she wants to see him. Which either says a lot about her stubbornness not to let this get worse or exactly how much she cares about Bellamy.
In spite of everything, knowing this was his first time makes her smile, pleased that she's able to offer it because he's been so many firsts for her here. The second part gets a laugh from her (though it's not quite as light and jovial as usual, even in the wake of an orgasm). ] I appreciate that. And I hope it was memorable in a good way; it would really suck for your introduction to sexting and phone sex to be bad.
[ Although with the sudden shift after they both finished, Clary's suspecting it might not all be good. ]
[ It wouldn't have been that big of a deal to Bellamy if it had been bad (though he can't see himself describing any experience with Clary that way). He wouldn't have held her personally responsible. Sometimes things work when it comes to sex, sometimes they don't. You can always try it again, or not. It's not the end of the world if it doesn't go to plan (he knows the end of the world and a bad sex experience isn't it). ]
There's only one way I can imagine myself using the word 'bad' in a sentence about you and it's mostly related to dirty talk. [ He opts for a response he's most comfortable with to keep the mood light. In a softer tone: ] You did good, Clary. You always do...
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There's a moment or two of silence as she weighs how she wants to respond to that, eventually broken up by the sound of her shifting and settling at the head of her bed, back pressed to the wall behind her. ]
I don't mind, Bellamy. [ Him calling her that, him staking a claim on her... Any of it. ] I just thought it was cute. [ It was far more than just cute considering how it made her feel, but even if she can't see him, it's pretty clear he's backpedaling. Which admittedly hurts a little, that he won't just own it, but she can deal. ]
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'My girl' came from somewhere. A part of him must want it - to keep calling her that - but the rest of him feels like it would be a bad idea. It'd be the start of going down a path he can't see ending without them both getting hurt...
(As if it doesn't hurt already, knowing his days are probably numbered with this girl who brings out the happiest version of himself.) ]
I probably shouldn't call you that again, though. [ Shouldn't, not I don't want to. ] Even if we're both comfortable with it. [ He swallows awkwardly. Did he ruin the mood? It definitely feels like he did. ]
1/2
(Yet now that she's heard it, now that she knows how good it sounds and feels to have him call her that, she finds it's incredibly difficult to side with the logical side of her brain.) ]
I thought you already settled on a nickname for me, anyway. [ 'Angel' definitely isn't even in the same wheelhouse as 'my girl,' she just feels like she needs to give them an out for this conversation. Maybe if she wasn't naked and they hadn't just had phone sex she'd be less willing to just drop it — she's never been one to shy away from a hard conversation — but she's not really up for it right now. ] One's plenty. Any more than that and I might get a big head.
[ She really does try to keep her tone light and playful but her heart's not really in it. ]
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But maybe Bellamy doesn't want to swing by anymore. Maybe things are too awkward now. So, after a pause: ] I'll see you tonight?
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At least she still wants him to come over. It gives him hope he hasn't screwed up as much as he thought. ]
If that's okay? [ He's giving her the option to change her mind, but despite the awkwardness, he still wants to see her. He's almost certain not seeing her until tomorrow would just create tension. The sooner he sees her, the easier it'll be to move on from it. ]
Before I go, in case I forget to say it later... that was my first time doing that. And you made it pretty damn memorable. [ He's not going to thank her because that would be weird, but he does sound appreciative. ] And I could say a lot more to make your face match your hair, but I'll save you the embarrassment.
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In spite of everything, knowing this was his first time makes her smile, pleased that she's able to offer it because he's been so many firsts for her here. The second part gets a laugh from her (though it's not quite as light and jovial as usual, even in the wake of an orgasm). ] I appreciate that. And I hope it was memorable in a good way; it would really suck for your introduction to sexting and phone sex to be bad.
[ Although with the sudden shift after they both finished, Clary's suspecting it might not all be good. ]
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There's only one way I can imagine myself using the word 'bad' in a sentence about you and it's mostly related to dirty talk. [ He opts for a response he's most comfortable with to keep the mood light. In a softer tone: ] You did good, Clary. You always do...
See you soon.